Dating is funny sometimes. Although I wasn’t alive in previous generations, it’s still quite interesting to look at the contrasts between the courting of today and previous generations.
I appreciate the number of women out here who are no longer impressed by the materialistic and genuinely look at a man’s character. There is a greater appreciation for intangible qualities and even experiences from life, than seems to be from before. Although it’s still heavily portrayed in black culture that money and fame drive up a man’s eligibility, there is a growing sect of media that shows individuals looking at the person as a whole, regardless of their socioeconomic status. In truth, I really cannot express how happy I am to see this because as women’s expectations of men elevates, the men will have to elevate to meet them. This is definitely a great thing.
But this post… is actually about the flipside. As an elevated man myself, I have to say:
Ladies… you have to impress me too.
Now, I’m not trying to toot my own (too much anyway), but the truth is, just like you ladies, I and men like me, are looking for someone special. But what does that even mean? See, this is where dating really starts to get complicated.
“Don’t treat a man like your husband until you have a ring!” How many of you have heard something like this? I have a problem with this, even though, at the same time I completely understand it. I mean, why should you be giving your all to someone who isn’t even fully committed to you? So, in that respect, I get it. BUT… you do realize that this is exactly what’s expected from men. “Show me effort, time, loyalty… show you’re worth my time.” Sound familiar? In the beginning, men are expected to prove themselves before a woman accepts his advances.
To be 100% honest with you though, I’m actually okay with this. Real talk, I don’t mind putting in work. That’s the way it’s been for millennia and I don’t expect it to change anytime soon. HOWEVER… the days of men going all out only to get lukewarm responses or reciprocation from basic women are over. Look, you can play it cool all you want, but if I don’t ever sense you have a desire for me or that you have the qualities I’m looking for, I’ma bounce. And guess who I’ma bounce to? The woman who actually shows me appreciation, challenges me, and is happy to do it.
So okay, yeah, you got a job, degree, own place, own car, no kids, bangin body, etc. Props to you. But for me? That’s just the bare minimum for me to even consider taking you seriously. Let’s go deeper:
- Do you read? What are you reading? What was the last book you read and why? What did you take from it?
- Do you have any hobbies? What are they? How’d you get into them?
- What are your personal goals (outside of your career)? Why? What made you choose those? When will you achieve them?
- What’s a personal area you’re working on? Why? How’s that journey going?
- Do you know yourself? Do you know what you truly need? Do you know the WHY of the things that effect you? No, like, the deep why.
- How have you grown in the last year? 5 years? Who are you growing to be?
- Do you know what it means to self reflect? Can you swallow your pride and admit your shortcomings in the moment (and not long after)?
- What kind of mother do you see yourself as? Have you even thought about this?
- What are you going to do for me as a person? Are you going to challenge me? Are you going to hold me to a higher standard for myself and not just for what you want and need from me?
- Am I going to be a better man, father, person, etc. for having known you and having you in my life?
I can go on but that’s the type of shit that impresses me. And ladies, I’m going to keep it 100 with you…
Many of you aren’t as impressive as you think you are.
Seriously, if all you do is go to work, watch shows, go out with your friends, etc. you’re not that impressive. Honestly, what makes you different?
If you have nothing to offer me besides your company, maybe a hot meal and some ass, I’m good boo-boo. We can hang, fuck, and I’ll even take you out sometime, but you not about to be my wife or the mother of my children.
Single, No Kids, Never Married